It’s not that uncommon for finished relationships to continue damaging us long after they’ve ended. Just as a cut rope starts to fray and unravel, so a finished relationship can start to fray our nerves and unravel our confidence. Putting on a brave face and hiding our pain seems to work. In the long term, it often ends in making us ill or bitter. So what can we do to stop the damage?

Take action to prevent more damage

Accept that the relationship is over. Like a rope that’s started to fray, the more you keep mulling over the break, the more damage that happens. Yes, you need to acknowledge the hurt and pain, but spending too much time on this will just make things worse. To prevent a cut rope fraying, you bind it and trim off the rubbish. Just that way, you need to bind yourself with friendship and positive feelings. Then, cut out the negative thoughts and self-doubt.

So how do you get from sad and mad to glad that the relationship is over?

G. Gratitude–be thankful for the good things that the end of the relationship brings. It might be hard, so look at the small things: perhaps you can now watch a movie the other person didn’t like or cook food that they hated or do something you didn’t have time for before.

L. Learn–what can you learn from your experience? What will you do differently next time?

A. Act–do something positive and fun. Plan something to look forward to.

D. Distract–keep busy, avoid places that remind you of the relationship, make new friends.

It can help to talk with someone trained to listen and help you move on. If you or someone you know needs help moving on after a finished relationship, get in touch for a complimentary discussion to see if I can help.