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Justice and Judgement
Do we want justice or judgement? Most people want justice–at least for themselves. Human beings are continually judging situations, themselves and others. Often we confuse the two. Children have a strong sense of justice. When someone does something wrong, they insist on punishment or recompense. Deep inside, we all tend to agree, even if we…
Read MoreAvoiding Difficult Conversations is Unkind
Avoiding difficult conversations is unkind??? For many people talking about sensitive or negative matters seems mean and unkind. Avoiding mentioning it seems kinder. Nice people frequently tend to avoid conflict, by ignoring difficult issues. Caring professions, charities and companies with a “nice” image procrastinate when addressing unwanted behaviour. They make allowances, drop hints and make…
Read MoreDifficult Conversations: Wills, Death and Powers of Attorney
Topics that rank high as difficult conversations: Wills, Death and Powers of Attorney. We feel uncomfortable thinking about our own deaths or those close to us dying. We know it’s important–but now isn’t a good time. The longer you wait, the harder and more urgent these decisions are. Are you playing peekaboo and hiding from…
Read MoreHow To Reduce Misunderstanding
Reduce misunderstanding–is that possible? Most of the conflicts I deal with as a mediator start with a misunderstanding. Even small misunderstandings potentially lead to damaged relationships or breakdowns of communication. Why do misunderstandings occur Our brains are continually trying to find patterns in the world and other people. If we spot a pattern, it makes…
Read MoreMaking Myself Redundant
As a parent, manager and mediator, my mission has always been making myself redundant. Seem strange? Especially as I am someone that needs to be needed and as a self-employed person only earn money when people to use my services. So why do I have this seemingly self-destructive tendency? It’s a choice between leaving a…
Read MorePebbles and difficult decisions
One of the difficult decisions we face every weekend is where to go! Durham is within easy reach of cities, mountains, woods, moors and the seaside. As well as gorgeous sandy beaches (not many blackened by coal now), the North East of England coast has ones lots of interesting rocks and pebbles. So after some…
Read More4 Steps to Say No Nicely
When we say no nicely it actually stops destructive conflict. Yet so often we say yes when we know that no is the right answer. Why we say yes when we should say no Sometimes we don’t say no because we fear upsetting others. We say yes without thinking it through. We get in the…
Read MoreBest 5 Resilience Resources in Times of Uncertainty
Resilience Resources A wealth of resilience resources were created in the first few weeks of the COVID-19 lockdown. I thought you might appreciate having some of the best in one place. Although they were created for lockdown and Covid-19 times, almost all of them are useful in any difficult times. 1. Use your natural strengths–VIA…
Read MoreDealing with Negativity and Resistance
Negativity is natural. In all our lives there are the “mood-hoovers”, the “heart-sinkers” and the “dark clouds”. Those people who seem to be full of woe and keen to “rain on your parade. Dealing with Dementors JK Rowling describes an extreme version of this in her stories of the wizarding world. Get too near a…
Read MoreConversations not Confrontations
Conversations not Confrontations was designed in response to a request from an organisation after a mediation. The employees involved found the way the organisation had managed their differences had exacerbated the issues. They asked me to tell management that the “conversations not confrontations” approach of mediation was much better. I talked with the CEO and…
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