We all like to be liked and thought of as kind people, so resist giving bad news or negative feedback. We tend to put it off, sugar coat it or do the infamous “feedback sandwich.” (Adam Grant on why the feedback sandwich doesn’t work) Most of these tactics actually make it worse. So we avoid talking…

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” I don’t understand why they have fallen out–they are both good people and I don’t want to lose either. But I can’t stand the atmosphere at work anymore!” How often do you hear this? I hear it on a regular basis. It seems that managers feel “good people” should know how to get along–but it isn’t…

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Injured animals either  lash out or cower away. Humans have another choice. When we are hurt, we choose revenge or forgiveness or flight. For thousands of years, mercy and forgiveness have been seen as virtues, helping to heal and build civilised societies. Recent studies have found that forgiving others actually benefits us as much if not more…

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Random acts of kindness

When the world seems full of people grabbing and pushing and shoving to get the latest deals in the shops, to make sure that they are heard, kindness seems like the wimp’s way out. Is it an old fashioned outdated habit that means you’ll be stuck holding the door open for others to rush through to a…

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Mediation Dawning Understanding

Thinking of taking a dispute to a lawyer? Fed up of long drawn out legal cases?  Try mediation first. Reluctant to ask what it is?  It’s not a silly question. I, like most people, thought mediation was mainly for divorcing couples or warring nations. It wasn’t until I saw the dramatic impact it had on…

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story you tell yourself affects your life

  The story you tell yourself about what happened becomes your reality. What you remember is the story you told yourself about an event, not what actually happened or your feelings during the event. We define our past, describe our present and predict the outcome based on this story. This is brilliantly illustrated in Daniel Kahneman’s video about the experiencing versus…

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Most Human Conflicts Can Be Solved “I remain convinced that most human conflicts can be solved through genuine dialogue conducted with a spirit of openness and reconciliation”   His Holiness the Dalai Lama Seems an amazing thing to say…until you start thinking about conflicts. Think of history, your own family, work…how much conflict could have…

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