Please Listen–A Universal Plea

No greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you maya Angelou

“Please listen” “Not now” “I need you to listen” “In a minute” “You are the worst parent in the world, you don’t care” (or throws self on floor in temper) One of my earliest memories is tugging at my mother’s skirt, trying to get her attention. I’m sure my kids have similar memories. Sometimes, it…

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Difficult Conversations: Wills, Death and Powers of Attorney

difficult conversations death

Topics that rank high as difficult conversations: Wills, Death and Powers of Attorney. We feel uncomfortable thinking about our own deaths or those close to us dying. We know it’s important–but now isn’t a good time. The longer you wait, the harder and more urgent these decisions are. Are you playing peekaboo and hiding from…

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Conversations not Confrontations

Conversations not confrontations

Conversations not Confrontations was designed in response to a request from an organisation after a mediation. The employees involved found the way the organisation had managed their differences had exacerbated the issues. They asked me to tell management that the “conversations not confrontations” approach of mediation was much better. I talked with the CEO and…

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The joys of being live online…and benefits for business

nancy virtual coffee

The joys of live online interaction are so great, that I’d like to share them with you. Tomorrow, I will enjoy a cup of coffee with a friend–who lives thousands of miles away. It’s not as good as being there in real life. (For a start, she makes great coffee and usually has some home-baked…

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Making Difficult Conversations Easier

Making Difficult Conversations Easier Most people would prefer me to write about getting rid of the need for awkward discussions, rather than about making difficult conversations easier.  This is no more possible than waving a magic wand and get rid of all the ice and snow in winter. However, just as we can lessen the…

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Imperfection: Beauty in the process

Cake-Imperfection or Beauty

 Imperfection everywhere The more you look, the more imperfection you see. The sun shining through the window can lift your spirits or make you see they need to be cleaned. Our urge to make things better is good, isn’t it? We all want a perfect world, and if it wasn’t for all those other people…

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Pause is a key tool in managing life

Recently I relearned how valuable it is to pause and be mindful. The last three weeks were stressful as we had a family bereavement and there was also a great demand for mediation. In my work,  it’s important to sort things out swiftly and compassionately for clients. In trying to support family, clients and workload, I stopped…

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Maintaining Good Relationships: Lessons from Blackberries

blackberries give ideas for maintaining good relationships

What does blackberry picking have to do with maintaining good relationships? At this time of year, blackberries are an irresistible temptation to me. I cannot help but pick them, so I always keep a plastic bag in my jacket pocket. Going for a walk is much more exciting and fulfilling when you come back with a…

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What kind of animal are you when you say no?

What kind of animal are you when you say no?

Evolution has hardwired us to react to challenge in three instinctive ways: fight flight or freeze. In other words, we get mad, run away or ignore issues. When you have to say no, if we aren’t ready, this instinct will kick in and we default back to one of these three responses.  We know beforehand…

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When Friends Argue Should You Get Involved?

When colleagues or friends argue, what do you do? Suddenly you have to watch your step–walking on eggshells, or in the worst case scenarios, it feels like negotiating a minefield. So what do you do? Are you a dashing deer, a terrified tortoise, a tolerant teddy or fix it fox? There is a better way! First,…

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