changing people

Won’t Pay or Can’t Pay?

People who won’t pay cause small business owners more hassle than any other issue. Years ago, my husband and I owned a quick print business. I hadn’t realised how much chasing payment impacted my life until I overheard my daughter (6) and a friend playing shops: “Now we’ll just close the shop and then I will…

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When they won’t talk…

They won’t talk. We keep going in circles…I can’t do anything.  As a mediator, I’m often asked ” But what can I do if they won’t talk to me? ” They feel stuck because the other people involved don’t want to talk. It’s frustrating and aggravating. And if you really believe that you can’t do anything,…

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Imperfection: Beauty in the process

Cake-Imperfection or Beauty

 Imperfection everywhere The more you look, the more imperfection you see. The sun shining through the window can lift your spirits or make you see they need to be cleaned. Our urge to make things better is good, isn’t it? We all want a perfect world, and if it wasn’t for all those other people…

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Letting Go of Resentment: How & Why

letting go of resentment Don't carry a grudge

Letting go of resentment is vital to healing. Yet it can be one of the hardest steps to take. We want others to see how much damage they caused. We believe they need to acknowledge our hurt before we allow ourselves to heal. So, most of us need to know why letting go of resentment…

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When Someone Refuses Help

mother, refuses help

Louisa looked exhausted and frazzled. My look of concern and simple “how are you” resulted in a flood of tears. As well as work and teenagers, she was trying to support her elderly mother who refuses help from everyone. She is so stubborn and independent. She won’t tell me if she is ill, she won’t…

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ABC of Ways to Cheer Yourself Up

Feeling down in the dumps after your holiday? Or depressed that you didn’t get away? If you are working and most people aren’t it’s easy to feel miserable. Everyone else seems to be off, regular routines are disrupted,  and nothing seems quite right. Credit cards are maxed out, we feel sluggish and things seem a…

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Solve Disagreements: Lessons from Martial Art

Manage Emotions, Assess. Respect, Trust, I statements, Listening

You don’t have to learn a martial art to pick up tips from them on how to solve disagreements…just know some principles and apply them. You don’t need to be coordinated or fit. The discipline and calm will follow as you learn the key principles. Key Principles to Solve Disagreements Like any martial art, there…

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Saying No Nicely: Setting Boundaries

communication problems

Mediators often describe themselves as breaking down walls and building bridges, and “Getting Past No“. So why do I think saying no is important? Well, it because one of the most common causes of conflict is unclear boundaries. Another is broken promises or unfulfilled expectations. Many of these situations would not have occurred if people…

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What kind of animal are you when you say no?

What kind of animal are you when you say no?

Evolution has hardwired us to react to challenge in three instinctive ways: fight flight or freeze. In other words, we get mad, run away or ignore issues. When you have to say no, if we aren’t ready, this instinct will kick in and we default back to one of these three responses.  We know beforehand…

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Someone Driving You Crazy? Take Back Control

Driving you crazy?

Colleagues driving you crazy? Or is it the kids? Or is your family driving you crazy? The good news is: it doesn’t have to be that way. The bad news is: if you want to change it, you’ll have to take some action. Stop “wearing the victim t-shirt” and start the diagnosis. Or you could…

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