Conversations not confrontations

Conversations not Confrontations was designed in response to a request from an organisation after a mediation. The employees involved found the way the organisation had managed their differences had exacerbated the issues. They asked me to tell management that the “conversations not confrontations” approach of mediation was much better. I talked with the CEO and…

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When we don’t have control, most of us feel unsettled, angry and strive to get control. Whether it is a naughty child, an illness, financial problems or relationship issues, we all strive to be in control, to fix the situation. Yet our striving for control and solutions can make the situation worse instead of better.…

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unfairness sometimes works in our favour

Unfairness creates negative emotions and is a common cause of unhappiness and conflict. Think about how you feel when someone queue jumps or takes a double helping of your favourite food and leaves none for you or someone gets the job you feel you deserve. Reactions to Unfairness “Hard-wired” in the Brain Researcher Renee Baillargeon…

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It was a dreary day and had started badly. One of my colleagues at work seemed to find fault with everything I did. Then we ran out of milk. I wished I had a reset button for the day or a magic potion to banish the blues.  But there was a lot to do and…

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Sandpaper People

Have you ever had a personality clash with someone? When just the sight of them starts you prickling? What can you do if it is someone you have to interact with? This might be at work, or socially because they are relatives or friends. A personality clash can really disrupt your life and impact on…

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difficult people the grinch

I’m often asked how to manage difficult people, especially at this time of year, when we feel obliged to interact with people we normally avoid. If only life was like the story of the  Grinch who stole Christmas. via GIPHY With a bit of magic and a different viewpoint, horrible people could be transformed into lovely…

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How should we manage anger well? Should we let it rip? Or shut it down, show self-control? Speak up or stay silent? Both have advantages and disadvantages. Read here about how to decide whether to speak up or stay silent. If we are prone to angry outbursts, we listen to the reasons why we should…

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same truth, different angles

When we argue, our truth seems so obvious. We ask ourselves “Why can’t they see the truth?” Or we accuse them of lying. This makes us even more determined to prove that we are right. We appeal to friends, colleagues, strangers to agree with us and help us prove the other person wrong. Research and…

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People who won’t pay cause small business owners more hassle than any other issue. Years ago, my husband and I owned a quick print business. I hadn’t realised how much chasing payment impacted my life until I overheard my daughter (6) and a friend playing shops: “Now we’ll just close the shop and then I will…

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They won’t talk. We keep going in circles…I can’t do anything.  As a mediator, I’m often asked ” But what can I do if they won’t talk to me? ” They feel stuck because the other people involved don’t want to talk. It’s frustrating and aggravating. And if you really believe that you can’t do anything,…

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