asking for help
Consider Mediation before Grievance/Disciplinary
Why should charities or other caring organisations consider conflict first aid or mediation before grievance or disciplinary procedures? A grievance procedure may actually intensify conflict and divisions, especially if it is lengthy, complex or inconclusive. Disciplinary procedures create defensiveness, and even end up in the party starting a grievance procedure. In small organisations, it is…
Read MorePlease Listen–A Universal Plea
“Please listen” “Not now” “I need you to listen” “In a minute” “You are the worst parent in the world, you don’t care” (or throws self on floor in temper) One of my earliest memories is tugging at my mother’s skirt, trying to get her attention. I’m sure my kids have similar memories. Sometimes, it…
Read MoreEarly Resolution: Conflict First Aid
Early resolution of disputes, disagreements and performance issues saves time, trouble and money. There are many issues that people tolerate, hoping they will get better: a demanding boss, irritating colleague, battling boards, disagreeing directors or silent obstruction. Delaying a decision is making a decision to ignore the issue at least temporarily (More on this topic). …
Read MoreProcrastination & Conflict: Don’t Delay Decisions
Ironically, my post on procrastination is actually a month late. I blame the flu… I’ve learned the hard way that dealing with things when they show up instead of when they blow up saves untold hassle. Sometimes we don’t decide based on optimism–things will get better. At other times, we delay deciding due to fear…
Read MoreCaring for Elderly Parents: A Source of Conflict?
Caring for elderly parents may bring a family together or tear them apart. As life expectancy grows, people in their 60s and 70s are still caring for parents, despite their own declining health. People work for much longer now, often providing childcare for their grandchildren. Tiredness, ill health and family arguments add to the stress.…
Read MoreHow to Manage Anger Well
How should we manage anger well? Should we let it rip? Or shut it down, show self-control? Speak up or stay silent? Both have advantages and disadvantages. Read here about how to decide whether to speak up or stay silent. If we are prone to angry outbursts, we listen to the reasons why we should…
Read MoreWhen they won’t talk…
They won’t talk. We keep going in circles…I can’t do anything. As a mediator, I’m often asked ” But what can I do if they won’t talk to me? ” They feel stuck because the other people involved don’t want to talk. It’s frustrating and aggravating. And if you really believe that you can’t do anything,…
Read MoreConflict First Aid 1: Protect what is important
As well as being a mediator, I teach and write about conflict first aid. What’s that? Well, it is like medical first aid–simple steps that anyone can do to help a person in a bad situation. The aims of medical first aid are to preserve life, prevent harm and promote recovery. The aims of conflict first…
Read MoreOver-committed and struggling with self-compassion? 3 different solutions
I thought this would be a quiet week. I would get caught up with reading and have time to spend sorting out my new website. Then, a flurry of requests from friends, relatives, colleagues, and students. I felt unappreciated and overcommitted,unable to have self-compassion. This is a common issue, particularly for people with elderly relatives,…
Read MoreWhen Someone Refuses Help
Louisa looked exhausted and frazzled. My look of concern and simple “how are you” resulted in a flood of tears. As well as work and teenagers, she was trying to support her elderly mother who refuses help from everyone. She is so stubborn and independent. She won’t tell me if she is ill, she won’t…
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